15 Aug Conflict Analysis
- Please give a brief description on your relationship with the other party.
- Where and how did you two meet? How long have you known each other?
- What is the current nature of your relationship?
- Do or did you live together? How long?
- Did anyone else live with you?
- How would you describe your overall relationship?
- How would you describe your relationship now, compared to when you first met?
II. Nature of the Conflict
- When did the conflict start? What caused it? Was it a series of events or one event?
- When did the conflict originate? Why did it occur?
- Use a metaphor to describe your conflict.
- Has the nature of this conflict changed over time? If so, how?
- How do you feel about the conflict?
- How do you think the other person feels about the conflict?
- How does the other person feel about how you feel about conflict?
- How do you think the other person feels about you?
- What would you like to see come from this conflict?
- How would you like to see it resolved? What are your goals?
- What do you think the other person thinks your goals are?
- Do you interfere (current or past) with what you think the other person’s goals are? If so, how?
- Does the other person interfere (current or past) with your goals? If so, how?
- Has the other done so in the past?
- Does the other realize you are interfering with his or her goals?
- Have you noticed your goals changing since the beginning of the conflict?
- Do you feel the other persons goals changed since the beginning of the conflict?
- What do you think the other person thinks your goals are?
- Are there others who have become involved in your conflict? Do others feel they need to take sides in this dispute? How did they influence your decisions and behaviors?
- Has this conflict become destructive? Does it waver between constructive and destructive or does follow one type exclusively? Has it always been this way?
III. Power
- How much power do you feel you have?
- How much power does the other person have?
- Do you think the other person has more power than you? Why or why not?
- How do you feel the other person views your power?
- How do you think your power affects the conflict?
- How do you think the other persons power affects the relationship?
- What qualities do you feel you have that the other values?
- What qualities do you value about the other person?
- Has this conflict considerably altered your daily life with the other? If so, how?
- Do you think that the other will agree with you regarding who has the power?
- What do you depend on from the other person?
- What does the other person depend on you for?
- Does the other person ever feel threatened by you? Do you think you threaten the other person?
- Who do you think has more power?
- Who does the other person think has more power?
IV. Styles
- What specific choices do you make in the conflict?
- What individual conflict styles do you use?
-
- Avoidanceminimize open discussion of the conflict
- Competitionone person wins, the other person loses
- Compromiseyou and the other person give something up in order to reach an agreement
- Collaborationworking together to find solutions that benefit both parties
- Accommodationavoid asserting ones own needs and preferring to cooperate
- Does your style vary with the situation? Why? How?
- What is the others style of conflict?
- Avoidanceminimize open discussion of the conflict
- Competitionone person wins, the other person loses
- Compromiseyou and the other person give something up in order to reach an agreement
- Collaborationworking together to find solutions that benefit both parties
- Accommodationavoid asserting ones own needs and preferring to cooperate
- Does the others style vary? Why? How?
- What tactics does the other person use?
- What do you or the other person do to keep the conflict going?
- Do you or the other person suggest solutions? If so, what are they? Are the solutions followed through with? How? Why or why not?
- What nonverbal behavior do you notice in the other during a conflict?
- If you notice a behavior change, does that influence your conflict style?
- What role do gender differences play, if any, in your conflict?
- Does culture influence the way you or the other party address conflict? In what ways?
- Do you preplan your choices of words and actions during a conflict, or are you more spontaneous?
- Do you feel the other person preplans their word or actions?
- Do you or your partner ever start conflicts deliberately? How and why?
- How will you handle the conflict if it is not resolved?
- Is there anything that you’d like to say or do but haven’t? Why or why not?
V. Assessmen
- Is the conflict repetitive? If so, how? How much time has been spent trying to solve the conflict?
- Did you think that the conflict could be changed?
- What would you like to see happen?
- How might the situation have been handled better?
- Did you try to change your behavior in any way? Who or what influenced this?
- Did the other person change his or her behavior? Who or what influenced this? Why do you think this happened?
- Do your conflicts ever carry over into other aspects of your life? In what ways?
- Does this dispute carry over into other aspects of the other persons life?
- Are other members of your household ever drawn into your conflicts? How? How do they feel about this?
- Has there ever been a conflict that has not been resolved in the earlier stages of the relationship? Why not? What was its impact?
- What differences have you noticed in the other person since your conflict?
- What differences in yourself have you noticed since your conflict began?
- How would you like to see your conflict resolved? Do you think it will be resolved this way?
- What do you think will happen to the relationship in the future?
VI. Personal Intervention
- How do you express your anger?
- How does the other person express their anger?
- How could you manage your anger better? (i.e. alternatives)
- How could the other person manage anger better?
- What other changes, if any, would you like to make in your behavior? What would you like to change about the other?
- Do you feel comfortable saying how you really feel? Do you share your true feelings? What about the other person?
VII. Solutions, Forgiveness and Reconciliation
- Have attempted solutions become part of the problem? How? Why or why not?
- Can you think of any solutions that have not been tried? Would you like to try any of these? What additional resources might you need?
- Do you feel you have forgiven the other party? Why or why not?
- Have you sought forgiveness for your role in the conflict? Why or why not?
- Have you reconciled your relationship? Why or why not?
- Is reconciliation always part of forgiveness?
- Do you believe there is something you could do to reconcile this relationship? What is it? How would you go about it? Would it make you happy to do this?
- Are you satisfied with the current outcome or do you wish a better solution could be found?
VIII. Prevention
- Do you think this conflict could have been prevented? If so, how?
- How might future conflicts be prevented?
- Would a third party be helpful or has a third party been helpful?
- What have you learned from your history with this conflict?
- What relationship and identity issues do you have in this conflict? Are they similar to issues you have in other conflicts? How might you address these?
- What communication skills might help you better manage conflict in the future?
